Ok, I'm convinced that I am suffering from burnout. Nursing school so far has really pushed me to my breaking point, and I'm at least happy to report that I think my breaking point might be a bit further than I thought.
I think the weight of everything really has me down. My mom is sick and in constant need of a ride here, there, and everywhere. Operations, procedures, followups, denture places... She's a very needy woman at this point in time and thankfully, she has some good friends to help her where I can't. However, I still make every effort to take her where she needs to go when I have the time. What would have really helped here is a good marriage... a good partner to help me with my mother, however, my mom absolutely loathes my wife and won't even let her in the house.
Speaking of my marriage, it continues to suck worse than anything I've ever experienced. Basically, I've agreed for my son's sake to remain in the house until he is out of school in June, although I have a sinking suspicion that I'm needed primarily for bill-paying. Today was Thanksgiving and my wife let me sleep through it. When I woke up, everyone was leaving. Unfortunately, I am on a flip-flopped sleep schedule due to my overnight shifts as an LPN. She is very overbearing, controlling, and vindictive. She still checks my phone, my Facebook account, and pretty much everything else because she is convinced I am cheating, which I recognize as the sign of someone who is, in fact, cheating themselves. I think I'll have to make a special post with just how effed up I've allowed this situation to get, but it's a little more than I care to post right now, but let's just say there's little doubt about her extramarital relationships at this point.
School continues to be totally relentless. Somehow, I've managed to pass my drug calculation final with nine out of ten questions correct. If I pass this course, I will never have to take a drug calculation test again, thank God. Being the final drug calculation in the entire nursing program, this is the one that they pulled out all stops to try and trick you. All the critical care calculations, mcg/kg/min with x mg available in x mL, were on this one and it's thankfully a done deal. I also got back my third (out of four) skills quiz in which I passed with an 87%.
This small bit of good news doesn't mean I'm out of hot water though. I'm still carrying a 74.3% in theory which is failing. I have a fourth theory exam and a final exam to bring this up. If I can get my theory grade above a 75% with those two tests, I'm set.
In addition to this, I am taking Sociology and Speech. I will say this: the absolute piss-poor quality work I am turning into these classes amazes me that I continue to pass with low As and high Bs. I'm on the computer tonight to essentially stamp out the rest of what is due for my speech class. These, I feel, are unnecessary "gimme" credits that you'll get simply by showing up.
Work is going well. The twelve hour shifts are perfect for me. I can get 36 hours in three days, and then have off Monday through Thursday. The work itself is pretty hard though. I feel that my facility may have the world's worst paperwork system. It seems, at first glance, thoroughly disorganized. I've already been talked to about not signing a nursing note and not following up with a pain scale on the chart. No biggie, but I need to be really careful about it; the paperwork is long, involved, no-joke, and someone thoroughly is checking behind me.
During my days off I sleep. And I mean sleep. I've been getting between 9-11 hours of sleep a night: I just don't want to wake up. Maybe it's a touch of depression setting in based on all these concurrent situations occuring, maybe it's just my body attempting to recover sleep debt from all these weeks I've just been going sleep deprived. Who knows... but no matter how much I sleep, I'm still feeling run down and feeling totally ready for this class to be over: whatever the end outcome be that pass or fail.